Thursday, 25 June 2015


Peevus, I have a few. I've been saving them up so I could produce this post, the greatest rant of all time. I guess I'm quite easily irritated which is a trait I don't emplore, yet I can't deny it's there. I try to see the best in all people, but sometimes seeing the best is just so hard when all you can smell is a guy's aftershave (see peeve no.1) or all you can see is a girl's bum cheeks (see peeve no.2). I'm hoping that writing this will allow me to let go of some of these peeves, a kind of therapy in writing if you will.  Jean paul Gaultier, Le Male

Peeve 1) Too Much Aftershave
There's probably a fine line between wearing enough and too much scent. I don't have this problem as I find two light sprays of perfume does the job without knocking people out, but maybe some men think more is more. When you're on the tube, or walking down the street you may pass a man - and if  you can absolutely smell his aftershave for a minute or two before and after he's passed you, that's what I'm refering to. It's that heady alcohol smell that gets right up your nose and makes you want to spew in the guys mouth as an ode to how groase he is for doing this. I think these guys must believe some of the hilarious advertisements for the aftershaves, a promise that women will be jumping them in the street if they spray themselves with this expensive 'love juice'. It has the opposite effect, men, and it's never a nice scent either (though nice scents are frankly few and far between with men's fragrance).

Peeve 2) Bum Shorts
Hey grrls, I can see your whole ass. Bum shorts, if you don't know, are shorts that are so tiny, they aren't shorts at all, they're more like a little denim knicker. Some of the girls that wear these are kids, and they really shouldn't be wearing these for all kinds of reasons, but I get they think it's a rad fashion thing. A message to you kids: please don't wear them again and when you look back at yourself growing up, have a big old laugh at this particular phase. For older girls aka teenagers and WOMEN who sport should know better! I've never seen a girl wearing these who doesn't look self concious. It's actually pretty sad. And such a bad idea to reveal your ass flaps to anyone with eye holes. What happened to being sexy and mysterious? Also, what happened to comfort is king? These guys must feel like a permanent front and back wedgie with the added misery of denim.

Peeve 3) Leggings as Trousers
On the subject of bootys...leggings are like tights without foot pockets. Maybe if you're extremely cool and hot like Edie Sedgewick, you could wear some tights on their own as a fashion statement and totally own that look. But I doubt the average gal is going for this rather specific, niche idea when dressing in leggings and then just throwing a shirt on. You know, you're basically naked as I can see your bum and your tiny pants. It's all there to see, plain as daylight, with only a very thin and feeble stretch of lycra/nylon covering it. This is a heavily discussed fashion faux pas, but I think it deserves a mention nevertheless.

Peeve 4) Skiing Sunglasses
There are so many cool sunglasses out there...round ones, tinted ones, heart shaped ones, there's really no excuse to be wearing sports 'ski' style glasses especially when you're no where near any kind of recreational ground and no where near snow. They. Look. Weird. So this is a personal taste thing, but come on guys, get with the progamme. No one looks good in these disgusting pseudo masculine glasses and I get the impression that guys wear them just because they don't know what other options they have, and they're scared of going for anything that looks too feminine. There friends will laugh at them. So they go for these. Because they look like they're about to do sports with them. And men like sports.

Peeve 5) Ballet Pumps
This was a trend that resurfaced in a big way in the early 2000's. That was ok for a bit, then Winehouse championed a certain beige pair that were basically so lived in they looked like a second skin, that was fine because she was a hot mess and she didn't give a hoot what shoes she was wearing. However, I take issue with the fact the sorry trend still continues to thrive to this day in 'New Looks' and other highstreet giants everywhere. These are grown women wearing what is essentialy a babies' shoe. They may be your go-to because they're comfy and they remind you of being a kid/ballet dancer, or maybe they're so plain and inoffensive, giving off no real statement, that they're your favourite. But they do make a statement, which is ''I need to find a new shoe style to live in''. A Dr Marten's Mary Jane perhaps? Or a chunky brogue? An ankle boot? Anything else but a feeble and long overdue to be binned ballet pump.