Monday, 15 June 2015

MOVING IN WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND... is it that big of a deal?


I've just been offered a job in London. I'm moving there this Friday.

Whilst I'm really excited to be starting 'a new chapter' and I fully acknowledge that I need to get out of the rut-like position I've found myself in and take a step forward in my life, there are a few elements to the move that I've been pondering. I'm lucky in that my boyfriend already lives in London, at a commutable distance from where my new job will be, and so I have a place to live without the stress of finding cash for a deposit - great.

But money is a lot more simple than human relationships, if you have a money problem you more or less know what you need to do to fix it (make more money, spend less etc.) With human relationships, sometimes there seems to be no answer. Perhaps you're too close to the problem to see for yourself what your next move should be. My problem lies in the fact that I don't know if my boyfriend really wants me to move in, maybe he prefers and has become accustomed to living alone. Where will I fit? Both physically (it's a small flat - it's London) and also in to his life. Where will I fit in to his life?

I'm not a lone ranger. We've spoken about this. He's worried he won't have enough quiet time. I'm guessing he thinks I'll rampage drunk around the flat listening to L7 and stuff. It happens. But not every night. He needs plenty of downtime, he needs his own space, he needs an office where he can do his own work. That more or less mirrors what I need. I'm an introvert who, if around people for too long, gets lethargic and needs to take a nap. I can't concentrate and listen to music at the same time, so I'll be working in complete silence when I'm writing etc. Just like him.

Therefore there really shouldn't be a problem, but one thing he said struck me: ''I'm worried that if living together doesn't work out, it will mean the end of our relationship''. If we find ourselves in a position where we simply can't live together for one reason or another, I'll move out (it's technically his flat), we will be living apart, and we will know that, at least right now, we can't live together. A little background - we've been together for coming up to six years and the majority of that has been spent as a long distance relationship, visiting on weekends. Maybe that's why this feels like such a big step - we've never before been in close proximity for what will be such a long amount of time.

On the other hand couples successfully move in together all the time. And we will both be at work for at least five days a week. We certainly will have our own time. The conclusion I've come to is give it a go, how else will I know.

What do you think? Have you ever moved in with a boyfriend/girlfriend and wish you hadn't? How does it change a relationship?