Wednesday, 2 January 2013

IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES

This year the 'sales' have been really really horrible; and the way people refer to them as if they're a kind of British institution isn't great either. I went sale shopping recently and left feeling cold/dead inside. Maybe not that bad, but I certainly could have spent my day in a nicer way. One perk of the trip was looking at all the rancid old items in the sale and laughing at them. For your pleasure and as a way of exorcising the gross experience of sale shopping from my head, I have found the worst of the worst and will now go about naming and shaming in a 'top 4 worst' fashion...

1) River Island's 'Green Floral Print Peplum Dress'
Oh let's just shove all the trends from 2012 on to one dress and see what happens... Floral? Check. Peplum? Check. Cut out? Check. It's bloody disgusting. And if you're now thinking 'mmm but it's not that bad', you should have seen it in real life. You would have laughed too.


2) Superdrug's 'Milk Chocolate Make-Up Set'
This is choco shaped like makeup... for the woman in your life. Clearly the designer of this sweet treat really thought they'd done great creating a product which incorporates TWO of a girl's fave things! Choco AND makeup. FYI, these two things should never be mixed in any way, and, it's a horrible mistake to think we'd like this, stocking filler or not. What made it worse was the fact that the little chocolate perfume bottle had been nicked from the particular set I saw in Superdrug... which made it all the more sad. HA. HA HA.


3) River Island's 'Orange Faux Fur Ear Earmuffs'
River Island make the list for the second time running with this wacky, wacky creation. Look like a bear whilst wearing earmuffs and feel cute and fucking great. Oh you kids are crazy. It's a shame you look like a wanker isn't it. 




4) Primark's 'Studded Ballerina Skeleton T-Shirt'
I couldn't find an image of it online and so have had to illustrate this point with a similar product from Zara (see above- shame on you Zara). Also, the item was not in the sale, but it's Primark, which is basically a sale all year round. So, the t-shirt in question features an illustration of a skeleton doing ballet in a tutu. Why? Why would they do this? And who for? And whose bright idea was it? It's just so shit, and weird, and not 'cool weird' either. It also has these massive studds on the shoulders. Another sick attempt to cram several trends on to one thing in one swift move. If you see it, I hope you appreciate how literally hilarious and un-edgy it is. I only wish I'd taken a photo so I could go back to it again and again. Or I'll just buy it.

THE END